All These Little Things
by piefould
Summary: Over the course of two years, Alex and Carrie experience the worst and best parts of life, love and loss.
1. The beginning of the end

Chapter 1

After an anxious afternoon I sat down with my dinner in the lounge room. On the couch next to Bryarly and Charlie, with Alex sitting on the chair across the room, there was so much tension in the air you could nearly cut it with a knife. We all stared at the TV, not daring to utter a word after the mammoth fight that Alex and I had earlier. My eyes were still puffy from crying all afternoon, and I was trying my hardest to hide it from everyone.

After everyone finished eating I collected Charlie and Bryarly's plates and went up to the sink. I turned the tap slowly and tried to do the dishes in order, purposefully, no distractions.  
I heared Alex get up and walk into the kitchen, I wondered if he was coming to confront me, but I quickly dismissed the thought. Our last fight hurt way too much to bring up again.  
He reached over my shoulder and placed his plate on the edge of the sink, I took a step sideways and accidentally bumped into him, sending the plate crashing to the floor.  
"Shit Carrie!" he said as he jumped out of the way.  
"Sorry." I said quietly.  
"It's fine." He mumbled as he sulked out of the kitchen.  
I sighed and started cleaning up the shards of porcelin.  
"What?" He said.  
"Nothing." I replied.  
"Don't lie to me Carrie, I know when somethings bothering you." He said indifferently. He said this like it was an automatic reaction whenever I said 'Nothings wrong'. Was I really upset that often? I thought to myself.  
I stood up and looked straight at him.  
"Alex." I said, "Do we fight too much?"  
"Probably." He scoffed  
"What exactly is that supposed to mean?!" I said.  
"Well when you bring up petty shit all the time it's kind of hard not to get aggrivated with ya" He said angrily.  
"Me? You're the one who brought up all that stuff from the past! Why can't you get over what happened! We weren't even together!" I said.  
"You knew what you meant to me. I thought I knew what I meant to you, but obviously not." He replied.  
"Oh here we go again! I'm getting tired of this." I sighed.  
"Leave then!" Alex yelled.  
This hit me differently than anything he had ever said. I tried my hardest not to burst into tears.  
"If you're not happy, then just fucking leave!" Was he really saying this? Does he really want me to leave?  
"Alex! I- I, After everything we've been through, yeah maybe the bad has outweighed the good in this relationship but I love you! And I always have and you know.." I said as I started to cry "You know that Alex." I yelled breathlessly and turned my body from him, willing myself to stop crying.  
Alex looked startled and quickly looked down at the floor. I heard a quiet sniff and turned around and looked directly at him. That's when I saw it, the only tear I've ever seen Alex Day shed, and it was over me.


	2. Revelations

Chapter 2

I sat in my chair in the computer room, I dont know how long I was sitting there for but I seemed to have forgotten how much I was sobbing. There were marks on my dress, which Alex had bought me for my birthday, where my tears had fallen. I looked up at the clock and it read 1:32 am. I don't remember being here for this long. The crushing feeling on my chest had left me numb so time, for me, didn't feel like it was passing. Charlie had brought me a cup of tea which was now as cold as Alex's feelings towards me. Maybe I am that bad, I thought to myself. Yes, I did screw around with Jack, and yes, me and Alex loved each other but it was never official. I didn't think he would be that upset if I had a fling with anyone else. Although if the situations were reversed, I probably would have been hurt too. I tried to stop myself from loving Alex, that's why I tried mucking around with other boys, to try and keep myself off him, but it was no use.  
My train of thought was interrupted as I heard a soft knock on the door. I didn't move, but I saw someone's shadow move through the soft moonlight that was coming through the window.  
"Carrie." an all too fimiliar voice said. I didn't reply, no sound, no movment. My body was numb and my gaze was locked onto the quiet street outside that I could see through the window.  
Alex came around and crouched down in front of me. He took one of my hands and I looked down into his eyes. I could see he'd been crying, I could see where his salty tears had dried up on his cheeks.  
He took my hands and said, "I was worried when you didn't come to bed, Charlie said you were in here."  
Still no response. My body seemed to be frozen in pain.  
"Jesus Carrie, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" He said as he started sobbing again. "I never meant to hurt you. I wish I could stop loving you so I could stop causing you all this pain. I don't like letting people in but you are the only person that has ever crawled under my skin and made me feel alive. I love you. I love you so much. I never want to be without you."  
He fell onto his knees and put his head on my hands "Please", he whispered. "Please, never let me go."  
As he raised his head his face broke out into the most heart warming smile. He saw the smile on my face and couldn't help but mirror it.  
"I'll never leave you Alex." I said. "Never"  
I pushed the chair backwards and slumped down into him. I whispered in his ear  
"You are mine, Alex Day. You may sometimes be the reason for my tears but you're also the reason I smile every make me the happiest girl in the world, and I don't want to lose that. And I'm certainly never going to willingly give it away."  
I moved my head around and we crashed into an earth-moving kiss.  
This was the start of something beautiful, wonderful.


	3. Happy again

Chapter 3

We didn't end up leaving the computer room, Alex and I were still intertwined with each other and the doona we dragged in there. We we're awoken only by the gasp from Charlie as he opened the door, tea and breakfast in hand, and took in the scene. My dress was slumped untidily over the chair, Alex's black and white jeans covered his laptop and his shirt was hanging from the ceiling fan. I giggled as I pulled up the doona to cover myself as I sat up.  
"Oh, sorry Charlie." I said, still laughing.  
Charlie stood in the doorway like a deer in the headlights. He managed to get out a mumble that sounded something like "It's okay." as he turned on his heel and practically ran up the stairs.  
I looked down at Alex and couldn't help but stare. The way the sunlight bounced off his golden hair was perfection, I wondered to myself, how could I have ever been mad with this boy? How could we fight so much? How could I ever not smile when I saw him? He was everything I needed and more. I shook him gently and a small smile lit up his face.  
"Good morning beautiful." He said as he pulled me down into a hug and kissed the top of my head, in between my (very messy) curls. I breathed in deeply and I felt surrounded by Alex, with his arms around me I was the safest I was ever going to be and I never wanted to move from that position. I felt like I had lost a limb when he got up, we both put our clothes on and just as I was about to walk out of the door, Alex pulled me into a deep kiss up against the wall and whispered into my ear "Last night was amazing, thank you."  
I giggled and he started kissing my neck and he reached his arms around me and started tickling me. "Alex!" I yelled through my laughter, "Stop, stop" I said playfully, still laughing. He stopped and I stood on my toes and kissed him, "You're welcome." I said with a wink, and I sauntered out of the room.  
I walked up the stairs towards the bathroom and I heard Charlie high-five Alex as he walked into the kitchen. Men.  
I walked past Bryarly and Charlie's room and saw Bryarly giggle as I walked past.  
I leant on the door frame and said "Something funny, Bry?" She jumped when I said this and said "Oh, uh- nothing. Just, uh, something on tumblr."  
"Ah, okay." I said sarcastically as I turned and walked out.  
"It's something I'm sure alexander the great would find funny!" She yelled with a laugh.  
I my hand froze on the handle of the bathroom door. Oh my god. We're we that loud last night?  
I shrugged and walked into the bathroom, "It's not like we've never heard you and charliebear before." I mumbled.

I let the hot water flow over my body and savoured in the warmth of the shower. I couldn't help but think about last night, "It's never been like that.", I thought to myself, "Maybe this really is the start of something new and exciting".  
I washed my hair and the rest of my body, thinking about how Alex's hands ran over my curves last night, just as the water was doing now.  
I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower and grabbed my big fluffy towel.  
As I wrapped it around myself I imagined it to be Alex's arms and a bright smile shone across my face. I was finally happy again.


	4. Engagments

Chapter 4

It had been over a month since Alex and I had reconciled and things we're better than ever. We we're both back to making regular videos and he was recording more and more music.  
On the morning of July the 5th, Alex had made me my favourite breakfast, spaghetti and cheese on toast, with a cup of tea in one of my many Rawry mugs. I was just about to start eating when I suddenly felt the most nauseating feeling in my stomach. I jumped up from my chair and ran to the bathroom, and got there just in time. I sat on the cold floor of the bathroom and started to wonder what was making me so sick. "We did have mexican night the other day. Maybe it was Danny's chili?" I thought to myself.  
Then it hit me. I counted back the days and realised I was late, very late. My first thought was that Alex cannot find out. I had no more time to think as I was crouched elegantly over the toilet bowl, clutching my stomach. After the wave of sickness, I heard someone knock on the door, but it wasn't Alex, it was Charlie.  
"Carrie, you alright?" he said.  
I stood up and went over to the sink, "Yeah, I'm fine now." I replied.  
"Can I come in?" he said.  
"Uh, sure." I said. This was an odd question for him to ask, but I felt too horrible to second guess it.  
He walked in slowly and didn't say anything.  
"What's up Charliebug?" I said trying to sound cheerful.  
He stood in front of me and looked straight at me. There was silence and tension in the room and all he said was,"Are you?"  
I put my hand on my stomach and said, "I think so."  
Charlie put his hand on my shoulder and I started sobbing.  
He pulled me into a hug and said, "You need to tell Alex, the sooner the better."  
I nodded and stepped back. He gave me a tight smile and said, "Don't worry, we'll be okay."  
I smiled back and said, "I'll be down in 10." He nodded and walked out, when he closed the door, the bang silenced everything and suddenly it sunk in.

I opened the cabinet and looked for the test I kept in there for this very situation. Nervously, I did the test and leant on the cabinet, waiting for the most gruelling 5 minutes of my life. I looked down at my watch and then over to the test sitting on the edge of the sink. I picked it up and took a deep breath, I gasped as I saw two tiny pink lines show up.  
I put the test down and took a step back.  
"Oh my god." I said aloud, just as Alex opened the door.  
"What?" He said. I could tell by the look on his face that he knew it was bad.  
"I'm pregnant." I said.  
I braced for the anger, the disappointment and the sad look on Alex's face. Instead, his trademark smile broke onto his face and he stepped forward and picked me up into a massive bear hug.  
I was confused for a moment but then the joy of the moment hit me. I was pregnant!  
"Oh my god Carrie, we're going to have a baby!" He said happily.  
All I could do was grin back at him.  
"Hang on a sec!" he said as he bolted out of the room.  
"A-Alex! Where are you-" I said, but he was back before I could finish my sentence.  
"You know Carrie, before we have a baby, there's something we have to do." He said with a smile.  
"What?" I said.  
"I've been planning this for a while but I guess it will have to be done now." He said as he got down on one knee.  
"Carrie Hope Fletcher, the most amazing woman in the world, the mother of my child, my whole world. I've been a hopeful ever since I met you so, will you marry me?"  
"YES! Yes of course!" I said with a huge smile on my face and a tear running down my cheek.  
He slid the small gold ring onto my finger and pulled me into a kiss. I smiled through the kiss and honestly, It was the happiest moment of my life.

We went downstairs and informed Charlie and Bryarly of everything and there were many hugs and congratulations exchanged.  
"So, when are you going to let everyone know?" Charlie said.  
"You mean, our subscribers?" I said.  
"No, our friends!" Alex said.  
"Well, our next get together is on August 6th , so you guys could tell people then?" Bryarly said.  
"We don't want heaps of people to know though. Maybe just the usual?" Alex said.  
"Yeah, that sounds good." I said.  
"Cool, I'll send out invites next week." Alex said  
I smiled at the fact that I'll have all my friends around me to celebrate something so wonderful.  
Alex and I told our families that afternoon and they we're all thrilled.  
Things were..perfect.


	5. Surprise!

Chapter 5

All the boys were over for the afternoon, and they were planning on staying for most of the night. We were sitting at the table when Jack asked me if I wanted a glass of wine, being pregnant I had to say no, and Jack knew straight away that something was up but kept his thoughts to himself. After we had finished tea and cleared up, most of the boys gathered around the telly to review the latest xbox game and I sat with Jack on the back patio and we were halfway through catching up when Alex came out and whispered into my ear, "It's time."  
I half walked/ half skipped back inside with Jack in tow, and Alex and sat everyone down on the couch, including me. We planned it this way so nobody would guess what we were telling them. I had to keep my engagment ring off for the night but I slipped my hand into my pocket and put it back on just as Alex started talking.  
'You guys might wonder why we gathered you all here now, tonight, but there is a special announcement I have to make."  
Everyone seemed very intruiged.  
"As you all know, Carrie and I have been together for four years now. There have been some obticles but I think now, we're on a clear path." He smiled at me as he said this.  
"Carrie, could you come up here please?" He said, gesturing a hand towards me.  
Everyone stared at me as I walked up and took my place next to Alex.  
He took my hand into his and looked at me, waiting for me to speak. My voice was shaky as I shared the news.  
"Well, Alex and I are engaged." I held up my hand to show the beautiful gold ring, with an sparkling oval diamond in the middle.  
The room was silent for a moment and then erupted with noised as everyone was clapping and saying corgatulations. Jack was about to get up and hug us when Alex put a hand up to stop him.  
"We also have some other news." Alex said quietly.  
Everyone stared eagerly at us, waiting for the next bombshell.  
I took longer to say this, and I looked at everyone individually for a moment and wondered how this would affect them, how would they react?  
My train of thought was interrupted when Alex said "Go on, Carrie."  
"I'm 12 weeks pregnant." I said.  
The room was filled with woops and congratualtions and everyone hugged Alex and I in turn. Bryarly and Charlie broke through the crowd of people, looking very lovely indeed, and Charlie began to address the group.  
"Now, there is another matter that you will all be very excited about I'm sure. Bry?" Charlie said, and Bryarly walked forward and took me by the arms and walked me out of the room.  
"What?" I said. "What's going on?" I said.  
"Don't you worry about a thing." Bryarly said in her sweet tone.

She lead me to her bedroom and told me to close my eyes and she opened the door.  
I stood in her bedroom, not being able to see, and feeling guilty for leaving everyone in the lounge like that. It was then that I heard the back door open and was about to ask a question when Bryarly lead me about two steps to the side.  
"Okay, open your eyes." She said.  
I opened my eyes and in front of me I saw a beautiful white dress, with long, flowing sleeves and an empire line. My favourite type of dress.  
"Oh my god! What is this? What's happening Bry?" I said, looking around madly.  
"Well, Charlie, Alex and I planned for you two to be married tonight."  
"WHAT?" I said.  
"Charlie did a minister course, and he's going to marry you two. We even decorated the garden." She said, gesturing to the window.  
"Oh my gosh." I said as I looked out and saw the garden alight with fairy lights and covered in white orchids, my favourite.  
"So, are you going to become Mrs. Day tonight, or is all this going to waste?' Bryarly said with a laugh.  
"Of course I will" I said.

Bryarly helped me get dressed and adorned my hair with beautiful white flowers.  
"And don't forget she said, something blue." She said, as she handed me a replica of Alex's bottle top braclet, but in blue.  
"Oh Bry, this is wonderful" I said and hugged her tightly.  
"Come on," she said. "Let's go get you married"


	6. The wedding

Chapter 6

Bryarly opened the door to the verandah and I stepped out into the cool night air. Bryarly took her place as my maid of honor and all the boys turned and looked at with the biggest smiles I have ever seen. A song started playing and, as Bryarly had instructed me to, I made my way slowly down the aisle that the boys had made for me, which as lined with lights. I looked up and saw Alex's beautiful smile and everything just felt..right.

Charlie grinned at me from under the beautiful arch that had been set up and I had to commend whoever had done it, because it was amazing.  
I reached the altar and I took Alex's hand in mine. "You look beautiful." He whispered.  
I smiled back at him because frankly, I was speechless.  
Charlie began to speak and as the boys sat down, mine and Alex's families came in and stood at the back of the group. I started crying, seeing Mum, Dad and Tom and even Giovanna here was amazing.  
"Friends, family" Charlie began. "We are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Carrie Hope Fletcher, and Alex Day."  
"I've watched these two grow together for the last four years and through all the adversity they've faced, I am so glad they are still here with us today. I am proud to be the best friend of these two, and I am even more glad to have the privilege of marrying them."  
Alex and I both smiled at Charlie and he continued.  
"Can we have the rings please?"  
Bryarly stepped forward and placed a ring in each of our hands.  
"Alex, repeat after me please, I, Alex day,"  
"I, Alex Day."  
"take you, Carrie Fletcher, to be my wife"  
"take you, Carrie Fletcher, to be my wife"  
"to have and to hold from this day forward,"  
"to have and to hold from this day forward"  
"for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer,"  
"for better or worse, for richer, for poorer"  
"in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish;"  
"in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish;"  
"and I promise to be faithful to you until death parts us."  
"and I promise to be faithful to you until death parts us."  
Alex said all of this without looking away from my eyes, he was smiling and I saw a tiny tear slide down from his brown eyes.  
He slipped the gold wedding band on my finger and I smiled as I took hold of his hand.  
"Carrie, Please repeat after me, I, Carrie Fletcher,"  
"I, Carrie Fletcher." I said with a shaky voice.  
"take you, Alex Day, to be my husband."  
"take you Alex Day, to be my husband."  
"to have and to hold from this day forward,"  
"to have and to hold from this day forward"  
"for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer,"  
"for better or worse, for richer, for poorer"  
"in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish;"  
"in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish;"  
"and I promise to be faithful to you until death parts us."  
"and I promise to be faithful to you until death parts us."  
I looked deeply into Alex's eyes and put the ring on his finger.  
I was properly crying now, everything was so magical, I wanted to take it all in but I couldn't tear my eyes away from Alex. He was standing proud and tall in suit on his top half and his black and white jeans on the bottom half, typical Alex.  
My train of thought was broken when Charlie said "And now, by the power vested in me, I pronounce you, Mr and Mrs Alex Day, husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."  
Alex pulled me into a heartwarming kiss and the garden was filled with applause as we kissed for the first time as husband and wife.

A small white table was brought out for us and we signed our wedding papers happily.  
Alex and I linked arms and took a quick glance at each other as we walked back down the aisle as the boys threw rice and blew bubbles in welcome of us, as a married couple.  
I hugged my family first and they were all so happy and proud, I even saw Tom shed a little tear. Alex and I were being passed around from person to person, being congratulated for the third time tonight and we were both ecstatic to see all our wonderful friends with us.  
The night continued with drinks, (which I didn't drink) and speeches and cake. We didn't forget to thank Bryarly and Charlie for putting it all together and I found it hard to put my feelings into words because I was the happiest I'd ever been.

I thought back to the morning I first found out I was pregnant and looked down at my stomach. I smiled and said quietly, "I can't wait to meet you, small bump."


	7. Xander

**Chapter 7**

I woke up to find Dan and Phil on either side of my bed, holding on to each of my hands.

"Dan, Phil?" I said in a scratchy voice.

"Oh my god Carrie" Dan said and he stood up from his chair. "Phil, go get Alex."

Phil squeezed my hand and I looked over at him, he smiled at me and then jogged out of the room. I instinctively reached for my stomach and when I felt my small bump was gone, I freaked out.

"Dan! What happened?! Tell me, now!" I blurted oout.

Dan looked frightened.

"I'm sorry, I- I just.."

"It's okay, I understand. I'll let Alex tell you" He said as he squeezed my hand and gave me a tight smile.

Alex ran into the room and crounched down at my side.

"Oh Carrie, my sweetheart." He said as he burst into tears. "I love you. I love you so much."

"I love you too Alex." I said softly.

"I'm so gald you're okay." He said as he clutched my limp body on the bed.

I noticed Dan and Phil walk out, they spoke to a nurse and got into the elevator.

"What happened Alex?" I said, starting to cry. "Is our small bump okay?"

"He's recovering." Alex said.

"What does that mean?!" I said loudly.

"You went into very premature labour and our baby had to be delivered by c-section. He's the size of my hand. He's going to have to be here for a long time Carrie, until he's strong. He can't breathe or eat on his own but the doctors are taking very very good care of him." Alex said, very delicately.

All I could see in my head was our baby. My poor baby was being kept alive by machines.

"I need to see him." I said.

"Carrie.." Alex said softly.

"What?!" I said anxiously.

"We can't move you, not yet. You lost a lot of blood in the operation and we need to keep you here on this drip until you're healed." Alex replied.

I burst into tears at the thought of not being able to see my baby. What if something's happening? Alex cradled me and stayed with me until I was put to sleep again, because I couldn't physically fall asleep on my own.

The next time I awoke, Alex was asleep in the chair next to me, clutching my hand. I looked of to the window and it was covered in flowers and cards. I saw Charlie and Bryarly at the window, putting down another bunch of flowers.

"Charlie, Bry?" I said quietly.

"Carrie, you're awake." Charlie said. They both took turns in hugging me and telling me how much they miss us around the house. Bryarly patiently sat and read out all my get well cards and they were from everyone, Dan, Phil, Jack, Danny, Ciaran, Kayley, Liam, Ed, Chris, PJ and even Dean.

A nurse came in to examine me and she informed me that I was now allowed to leave, and go and see my baby for the first time. Charlie woke Alex, who looked like he'd had no sleep at all, and they helped me into the wheelchair and took me down to see my son.

As soon as I was there I wished I was back in my own bed. Seeing my little baby, no bigger than the palm of my hand, was heart wrenching. Alex said his hello's and I was slightly jealous that he got to see our baby before me. Charlie and Bryarly left and Alex and I were left there, staring at our small bump, who was now a small baby, struggiling for survival.

"You know, we still need to name him." Alex said.

"How about your favourite name?" I said, staring into the eyes of my little one.

"Xander? What do you think?" He said.

"I love it. Xander." I said.

The nurse said that we could touch him, only lightly obviously. Our hands seemed so mammoth compared to him and I was terrified of hurting his fragile little body.

A little squeak came out of his mouth as I touched him and a large machine to the side of him started beeping loudly.

"Oh shit!" Alex said, and he called for the nurse.

"What?! What is it?!" I yelled.

"His breathing tube.." Alex said.

I took one last look at my little boy as Alex and I were whisked out to let the doctors and nurses save his little life.


	8. Why?

**So this is quite a short chapter (sorry!) but it has a lot in it.  
I didn't know if I was allowed to use Ed Sheeran's ****_"Small Bump" _****but I did it anyway cause YOLO or whatever.  
Hope you enjoy and reviews are appreciated as always!  
xxx**

**Chapter 8**

Alex and I both sat in chairs outside the prem ward, I had Alex's hand in mine but we weren't saying anything. Jack had come to the hospital after he found out what happened, he handed Alex and I a cup of tea and put his arm around me.

"I can't do this Jackaroo" I said to him. He pulled me into a hug.

"Fletcher, it will be fine. The doctor's will save Xander, I promise."

I sobbed into his shoulder and couldn't help but think the worst.

I ended up falling alseep on Jack's shoulder and when I woke up it was 3am. 9 hours ago I saw my baby, where was he? I looked down the dark corridor, lit only by night lights and I saw my husband and Charlie hugging just outside the prem ward.

I stood up quickly, a little too quickly and Jack caught me just before I was about to hit the ground.

This seemed to catch Alex's attention and he rushed over to me.

"Carrie?" He said through his tears.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." I said.

"Where's Xander?" I said to Alex, pulling him into a hug. All I could feel was Alex's tears falling on my shoulder through my hospital gown.

"Alex?" I said slowly and quietly, "Where.. is our son?"

"He's...gone Carrie." Alex said, breaking down into tears again.

I couldn't believe it. My baby? Gone? This can't be. I only got to see him once. My small bump. Xander.

I went numb.

Alex pulled me at arms length and said "Carrie?"

I feel to the floor in a slump and started sobbing loudly. Alex was so lost, he didn't know whether to cry himself or help me. I saw Charlie put his arm around Alex and I felt a set of strong arms, which could only have been Jack's, pick me up and I feel into a deep sleep. Not becuase I was tired, but emotionally, I was exhausted.

I woke up again the next day with Alex by my side. All the flowers and cards were gone. there was no Bryarly, Charlie, Dan, Phil or Jack. Just me and Alex.

I was allowed home and that afternoon, Alex and I painfully made plans for Xanders cremation.

We decided to do it at home, considering it's where most of the inportant events in our life happen. I heard Alex yesterday, planning a song for today, although I'm not sure he would get through it. He asked me for a title and all I said was "Small Bump"

The same people that gathered at the same place for mine and Alex's wedding we're gathered here again for the funeral of our child. As the ashes were spread, Alex began with his song.

_"You're just a small bump, just born, in four months you're brought to life._

_You we're left with my hair but you had your mothers eyes._

_I held your body in my hand, gentle as I can but for now you're scan on my unmade plans._

_Small bump, in four months you're brought to life._

_And i'd whisper quietly, and give you nothing but truths_

_you're not inside me, i'll put my future in you._

_You we're my one, and only. And you can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight, but you'll be alright._

_You we're just a small bump unborn but you'll grow into your skin._

_With a smile like hers and a dimple beneath your chin._

_Fingernails the size of a half grain of rice and eyelids closed to be soon open wide, small bump, in four months you'd open your eyes._

_And I'll hold you tightly and tell you nothing but truths._

_If you're not inside me, i'll put my futute in you._

_You are my one, and only. And you can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight, but you'll be alright._

_You could lie with me, with your tiny feet, when you're helf asleep i'll leave you be_

_right in front of me, for a couple weeks so I can keep you safe. _

_Cause you we're just a small bump unborn for four months then torn from life. Maybe you we're needed up there, but we're still unaware as why."_

Alex and I walked up to his little memorial and I whispered through my tears, "Mummy and Daddy will miss you Xander."

We went back to our friends and family for comfort, but for Alex and I, things will never ever be the same.


	9. A second honeymoon

**OK so I couldn't help myself, I've written up to chapter 13 so they will all be going up tonight!  
also MOAR Ed Sheeran references but I tried to get his whole '+' album in here somehow!  
Review if you're enjoying this and as always thank you thank you thank you for reading! xxx**

**P.S little bit of smut in this chapter!**

**Chapter 9**

One month later, Alex and I had finally packed everything away from the spare room, it was a painful process, full of horrible memories, but it had to be done.

As a gift from Charlie and Bryarly, (if they hadn't done enough already), Alex and I got a trip to Malta as our honeymoon. Being away from dreary London was just the thing we needed and being out in the sun with Alex really made both of us feel much better.

On our last night, we were cuddled together in our king size bed and the large sliding doors which opened to the courtyard we're flung open to let the beautiful sea breeze in.

As we lay in the darkness, our faces only visable by the soft moonlight, we took turns in singing to each other. We most likely came up with about 10 new songs, but these weren't to be shared with anyone. This was for us and us alone, to whisper in the dark of night with soft hands on each others backs and intermittent kisses breaking up the words.

I started with,

_"You are the earth that I will stand upon, you are the words I will sing." _

Alex only smiled and went one better by breaking out a full song, out of nowhere.

_"Settle down with me, cover me up, cuddle me in._

_Lie down with me, and hold me in your arms._

_When my hearts against your chest, your lips pressed to my neck, I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet._

_And with a feeling I wont forget, I'm in love now._

_Kiss me like you wanna be loved, this feels like falling in love, falling in love._

_Settle down with me, and I'll be your safety, if you'll be my lady._

_I was made to keep your body warm, now I'm cold as the wind blows so hold me in your arms._

_When my hearts against your chest, your lips pressed to my neck, I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet._

_And with a feeling I wont forget, I'm in love now._

_Kiss me like you wanna be loved, this feels like falling in love, falling in love."_

I was speechless, that he had come up with this out of the blue, and that I was his only inspiration.

I smiled at him and looked at him with eager anticipation.

"What, Carrie?"

I rolled over and pinned him under me, using all my weight to keep him from moving.

"What are you doing?" Alex said, laughing and trying to wriggle out from under me.

"We're going to have some fun." I said, while I planted kisses down from his neck to just below his belly button, all while keeping my hands firmly grasped on his wrists.

"And what kind of fun do you mean. _Carrie the great_?" Alex asked in a flirty tone.

"Well..._King Alexander_" I said, while slowly unbuttoning his trousers.

"I think we should re-create the night in the computer room." I said, moving back up to his lips and giving him a slow and meanigful kiss.

Alex grinned and slowly stripping my nightgown off of me, kissing in the crook of my neck, my shoulder and down my back as he moved to sit behind me and rub my shoulders.

"Oh Alex." I said breathlessly as he transported me to a world of pure serenity, just by the touch of his hand.

As I became more and more relaxed, Alex started moving his hands down and around to my stomach, I shivered as he moved his hands upward to cup each of my breasts.

I turned around and slowly leant into him, we seemed to fit into each other perfectly, like two pieces of a puzzle.

"Mmm...Ca... Carrie." Alex moaned as I pushed him down onto the bed and straddled him.

I felt giddy with power and all I wanted in that moment was Alex, every inch of his body was mine and all of the little (or big in some cases) things added up to this perfect moment.

Alex had all of me and I had all of him. Having him inside of me, having his hands on me, on my back and my legs and my shoulders just made sense.

We denied our feelings for each other for too long and even though we'd been together for 5 years now, in this moment, celebrating our marriage, felt like it was the beggining of our whole life.

"Carrie," Alex said quietly as we moved in time with each other, "I love you."

"I love you too, Alex." I said and let out a moan as he thrust into me harder than ever before.

We picked up the pace and Alex started to show his desire for me more than ever.

It was primal, animalistic, like we needed each other more than we wanted each other.

There was the sound of lips smacking against skin and flesh against flesh as we rode out the night with each other, not stopping until the break of dawn when we were finally too exhausted to keep going.

I woke up much like I did the year ago in the computer room, tangled with Alex and the blanket, but this time we weren't going to be interrupted by anyone


	10. Something's missing

**Shit's about to get real.  
Please review if you're enjoying the story and thanks for reading once again! xxx  
Chapter 10**

Alex and I had been home for a few months now and it was so good being back in the place we knew and loved. Charlie are Bryarly had done a big spring clean and I found it to be the perfect chance to do some re-decorating. I organised with Bryarly to go down to the local home wears store and surprise the boys with a few pieces of new furniture.

We we're in the bedding section when we came to a small set up of a childs bedroom. I was frozen in that stop and I couldn't take my eyes off the picture on the dresser. It was of a little baby, looking like it had not long been born. The look in its eyes reminded me of my own baby and I suddenly felt my chest tightening and tears welling up in my eyes. Bryarly spotted me and quickly whisked me away from that area, changing the subject as we went along. We came home with some interesting finds, but I couldn't will myself to be excited about it anymore, after seeing that picture. I loved decorating and I thought it would take my mind off things but every time I saw the picture of mine and Alex's wedding on the wall, and the small bump under my dress which was barely visible, it just made my feelings even worse.

Throughout the whole afternoon I was quiet. Alex could tell, but he never dared to ask why, as he was afraid of how fragile I'd become over the last few weeks. He never brought up the conversation about more children, even now, months later, the pain is still raw as hell and I still miss Xander every day. Although on this particularly cold spring day, I was curled up on the seat by the window with my big doona, just staring at the TV with a cup of tea in my hand, forgetting to drink it, letting it go cold.

People were moving around me but I didn't notice. I moved my gaze to the window and this seemed to stir Alex from in front of his laptop, which was in the room directly opposite me.

He came over to me and put his hand on my shoulder, somewhat reassuringly. His hands were warm compared to my pale, cold skin and this seemed to end whatever stupor I had got myself into.

"Carrie. You haven't moved for hours." Alex said, seeming very concerned.

"Oh, yeah. Right." I said, getting up from the chair.

Alex put his arm on my lower back and lead me into the kitchen.

As I washed up my cup on the sink he stared at me, looking like he wanted to ask me a question.

"What is it, my love?" I said as I walked over to him and put my arms around his neck.

"Carrie." He said seriously as he put his hands on my hips.

"We need to talk about some things."

"What things?" I said, trying to sound calm and collected.

He sat me down at the dining table, took my hands in his, stared directly into my eyes and said.

"I want to try for another baby."

I couldn't think of any words. How could he have suggested this? After everything that we've been through and he just comes out with this like it's no big deal, how could he?

"Alex, I.. y-you know I, I can't" I said, shaking my head in disbelief.

"That's the thing Carrie, ever since what happened with Xander, you haven't been the same and I think having another child will help you heal, and move on." Alex said patiently.

"No." I said.

"You're just going to say no, without giving it any thought?" Alex said.

"I... I don't want to." I replied.

This was a lie. I couldn't put all my emotions into words. Alex was right, but I was too stubbon to admit it.

"What!?" Alex said, letting go of my hands. "Shit. I don't believe you Carrie."

"Well... I don't know what I'm feeling right now. Please Alex, I need some time.." I said quietly.

"Carrie! You've had so much _time_!" Alex yelled, standing up from the table.

I flinched at his words and the volume of his voice. I looked at Alex in disbelief, waiting for him to say sorry, or even anything for that matter. But he just stood, breathing heavily and trying to hide the emotions in his eyes but he knew as well as I did that I could read him like a book.

I stood up quickly and stormed to the hallway. I was so mad at Alex now, how could he have said something like that to me? I needed him now more than ever but it seemed he was doing everything against me.

I grabbed my bag, my coat, and my umbrella and walked to the front door.

Alex followed and yelled, "I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry. Please don't go. Carrie!"

I slammed the front door shut and heard him calling after me but I wasn't going to go back, at least not tonight. I headed for the only place I knew I would be 100% welcome. Jack's.


	11. Consolation

**Loooong chapter! And so far my favourite.  
Please review and thanks again for reading! xxx**

**Chapter 11**

I had tears in my eyes as I knocked on Jack's door, I felt horrible after leaving Alex but I couldn't be there right now. I got a text from Charlie while I was walking to Jack's and he asked where I was going but I didn't reply. This was not his business.

Jack opened the door slowly and was extremely surprised to see me there.

"Fletcher, what are you doing here?" he said, sounding tired.

"Alex and I had a fight." I said through my tears.

"Come here." He said, cradling me in his arms rather forcefully.

I always knew I could go running to Jack for anything and I always knew that Alex hated it. Jack caused a rift in our relationship that was too deep to ever mend properly, which is why Alex and I had so many problems in the past. I knew at the end of the day though, it was always Alex, always.

I let my tears soak into Jack's shirt for a long time before we said anything else. He took my hand and lead me to the lounge. I sat in my spot on the couch and Jack bought me a cup of steaming tea.

"Have you got anything stronger?" I said.

"Sure." Jack said, knowing exactly what I needed.

He came back to the couch with a bottle of wine and didn't even bother to give me a glass.

He poured himself a drink as we began to catch up on events over the past few weeks.

Every time I spoke about Alex, Jack would try to change the subject.

By the time I finished the bottle, Jack finally decided to ask why I was there.

"What happened?" He said.

I took a long time to answer. "He wants to have another baby." I said, with a surprising tone of disgust in my voice.

Jack stared at me and didn't answer.

"That still doesn't outline to me why you're here, Fletcher." He said sarcastically.

"I can't, Jackaroo." I said.

"Why?" He replied.

"I don't know. I just can't let go of Xander." I said.

"How long is it going to take though? 6 months? A year? 2 years?" Jack said accusingly.

"I don't know." I said.

I was hurt at the fact that Jack was being so impolite. My head starting feeling woozy but I went to the kitchen anyway to look for another bottle of red.

I drunkenly opened the cabinet and grabbed the closest bottle to the edge. I opened it and took a swig, and as I was about to take another, Jack grabbed my wrist tightly and said sternly, "I think you've had enough for now, Carrie."

I huffed at him and walked off towards his bedroom. He stood in the doorway, examining me as I lay down on his bed.

"You should, Carrie." He said.

"Should what?" I said impatiently.

"Have another child. It would help." He said slowly.

"Well, you've never gone through the pain of losing a child, have you Jack?!" I yelled. I didn't care if I was being irrational or rude, he needed to know he was over stepping the boundary.

"No. No I haven't." Jack said quietly, getting the message.

"I didn't come here for advice Jack," I said "I came here for consolation."

"Well then." He said.

And in that split second of a moment, Jack stepped towards me and kissed me. Smack bang right on the mouth. He wrapped his arms around me like a vice so I had no choice but to endure the kiss, which wasn't all that bad, but I felt guilty as hell when my mind turned to Alex, at home. Waiting up for me, pacing around the living room, wishing for me to walk through the door.

Jack let go and I pushed him away with all my might, he banged into the dresser and took a moment to get back his balance.

"What the fuck?" I said as he straightened up.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that Carrie." Jack said.

"You're drunk." I replied. "It was a mistake coming here." I added.

I collected up my things and was just about to walk out the front door when Jack grabbed me and slammed me up against the door. My head hit one of the hangers and I felt a searing pain in the back of my skull.

His large arms were placed at either side of my head and his face was only a few centimetres from mine. I started to feel dizzy and in my daze I thought he was going to kiss me again. Instead he sighed and uttered two quiet words at me, "Leave, please." he said, bowing his head in shame.

I fumbled for the door handle and started stumbling down he steps when I heard Jack call my name.

He tried leaning on the door frame but missed and nearly fell into the pot plant next to the door. I stared back at him and heard him say, "Wait, Carrie, I'm sorry, I fucking love you."

This confused me even more but my head was spinning too much for me to think about it. It had gotten dark out so I walked to the end of the street, about halfway down I tripped over something and face planted onto the pavement. As I clutched my face I could tell that it would bruise and in that moment I decided it would be safer to call a cab.

I was so relieved to see the house lights were on and I nearly fell out of the cab trying to get inside. I was right about Alex waiting up for me and as I stumbled through the door, he caught me and said

"Shit Carrie, I was worried sick, where the fuck have you been?"

"I..I went to Jack's" I said drunkenly.

"A-are you..drunk?" He said.

"Uuuuuuuuum... yes!" I said triumphantly

He sighed and looked disappointed. He stepped towards me to try to hug me but I flinched and turned away, this was when he noticed the blood on the back of my jacket.

"Carrie." He said calmly but angrily, "Did he hurt you?"

Tears started streaming down my face as I gestured to the back of my head.

He was about to examine it but I moved too quickly towards the sink to throw up all the booze I had consumed. Alex freaked out and immediately called Bryarly, who knew exactly how to patch me up.

I told them all about what happened, even about the kiss, and as Bryarly was tending to my wounds (with no co-operation from me) and giving me some pain medication I saw Charlie trying to calm Alex down in the hallway.

Their conversation was muffled but there was one thing Alex said that was clear as a bell,

"I'm going to fucking kill him."


	12. Together again

**More heartbreak and more Ed Sheeran!  
Review if you're enjoying the story and thank you for reading! xxx**

**Chapter 12**

That night, Alex and I didn't sleep. We spent the night in a dream state, never daring to let go of each other, instead holding one other tighter. I couldn't believe that the one person I thought I could count on for anything would do such a horrible thing. I guess he was just hurt that I finally married Alex, and all his feeling towards me had just built up to that moment.

When morning broke, I didn't want to move. My head was pounding and my whole body was aching, it felt like I'd been run over by a truck. It was Sunday and we had nothing planned, so I didn't see any point in getting up.

Surprisingly, Alex got up, got dressed and grabbed his guitar. I knew that he would spend most of the day composing or recording.

After a few hours spent in bed reading, I decided to go check up on Alex.

I could hear him playing a song so I sat outside of the door to listen.

The lyrics nearly tore my heart in half.

_"This was the start of something beautiful _

_This was the start of something new _

_And you are the one to make me lose it all _

_And you are the start of something new._

_And I'll throw it all away _

_And watch you fall _

_Into my arms again _

_And I'll throw it all away _

_But watch you fall, now _

_You are the earth that I will stand upon _

_You are the words that I will sing,_

_And I thrown it all away _

_And watched you fall, into his arms again _

_And I thrown it all away _

_Watched you fall, now _

_And take me back _

_And take me home _

_And watch me fall, down to earth _

_Take me back, for... _

_This was the start of something beautiful _

_You we're the start of something new."_

I noticed the line is the second verse was the one that I sung to Alex on the night of our honeymoon. Yet again I was the inspiration to his songs, but this time he was letting out his pain and angst, not his love. I didn't want to listen to another word so I decided to escape to the patio, my outside haven where I could just sit and think with music in my ears and not have to listen to other people.

I sat down in my outdoor chair and closed my eyes as I let the sunlight surround me, it was a beautiful day and it was already starting to make me feel better.

I put my iPod in my ears and let it play from where I last paused it. One of Alex's singles started playing, his sweet voice was singing

_"Give a little time to me, we'll burn this out, we'll play hide and seek to turn this around."_

I was just about to change the song when I heard the back door open, I didn't turn around because I thought it was Alex.

It turns out it was Bryarly, and she looked very upset.

"Hey Bry, what's up?" I said, shuffling over to sit next to her.

"I've just been at the doctors." She sniffed, rubbing away her tears with her sleeve.

"What happened?" I said while putting my arm around her shoulder.

"I, had a few stomach pains. I thought it was just normal but Charlie told me I should get it checked out. It turns out.." She said as she started crying, "I..I can't have children. Ever."

"Oh my god." I said, covering my mouth in disbelief.

I reached over and hugged Bryarly tightly and she started crying more and more.

"I'm sorry, Bry." I whispered into her hair.

"How do I tell Charlie?' She said.

"The same way you told me, I'm sure he'll understand Bry, he loves you." I replied.

"I just know that this will change everything and I don't know what to do because this will de-rail all the plans that we had for our future." Bryarly said.

"It will give you guys a chance to make new plans, you could travel or work or do whatever you like." I said. I didn't know how much I was helping but I was still shocked about the bombshell that she just dropped. It made me think about my pregnancy and I began to understand why Alex wanted more children and how it was a blessing, which I shouldn't be afraid of.

"You're right." Bryarly said after a long period of silence.

"If you tell him as soon as, he wont be so upset, I think." I said.

"Okay," she said, "Thanks Carrie."

Bryarly got up and went inside and I was left alone with my thoughts once again.


	13. An apology

**Last of the chapters for tonight!  
And sorry if this chapter sucks but I'm bad a writing smut *runs away and hides*  
As always reviews are appreciated and thank you for reading! xxx**

**Chapter 13**

It took a long time for me to work up the courage to go and speak to Alex and as I made my way up the stairs, my head started pounding. I had forgotten about my injury last night, and feeling that pain now brought everything back, what happened with Jack, and what Alex said ever so chillingly.

I could hear that Alex was still playing so I knocked lightly on the door.

"Come in." I heard him say quietly.

"Flick?" I said, "I wanna say something."

He looked slightly confused and put his guitar down next to him and turned his body towards me.

I closed the door but didn't move closer to him, I couldn't bear being close to him, I was so nervous with what I was about to say.

"Alex, my darling, you have been the most amazing husband during the last 6 months. I was selfish after Xander died and even though you were hurt too, you always made sure that I was okay. You didn't push and I'm sorry I walked out on you last night. I was wrong to go to Jack and that's evident by my injuries. I was being irrational after what you said and today something made me realise that I am blessed to have you, and I realised I _do_ want to extend our family, and... I _do_ want another child. I guess the one thing I want to say is... I'm sorry."

I was expecting a quiet response, or even none at all but Alex broke out into a huge belly laugh.

I looked at him with a confused look and he stood up and hugged me tightly.

"Wait, Alex, I don't understand." I said, hugging him back slowly.

"Oh Swish, I didn't think I would ever see the day that you would say sorry to me." Alex said, still laughing away.

This made me start laughing and we ended up doubled over within a few minutes, laughing at nearly nothing.

We stood in front of each other for a moment, just grinning at each other, trying so hard not to laugh again.

At the exact same moment we stepped towards each other and were locked in an embrace. We stumbled towards the door, still kissing and madly ripping off each others clothes. I heard Alex lock the door and I whispered "Shh, we don't want the others to hear us this time.." into his ear.

Considering Michael and Ciaran were downstairs with Charlie, I didn't want another embarrassing moment to happen much like the one with Bryarly.

Alex and I fell to the floor and he rolled himself on top of me and said as loud as, "Yes we do!"

This made me laugh harder than I had for the whole day and Alex kissed me hard to keep me quiet. I moaned into him mouth as he kissed me he yelled "OH CARRIE!"

This made me laugh harder and he wrapped me up in him more.

I started moaning louder which made Alex laugh his signature laugh and even though we we're both feeling so good, we we're having fun at the same time.

We heard someone coming up the stairs so Alex picked me up as I wrapped my legs around his waist.

I couldn't keep my lips off of him and as he sat me on the lounge near the wall he thrusted as hard as he could to cause the lounge to bang against the wall.

"A..ALEX oh my god." I said, not faking is this time.

"Yes, _Carrie the great?"_ he said, while kissing down my neck.

I moaned and said, "Someone's going to h..hear usss"

My breathing was getting heavier and I couldn't be quiet anymore, I had to let it out.

I kept repeating his name, as he did mine and I could tell my his actions that he was getting closer and closer to the edge.

"I. Don't. Care. Who. Hears. Us." Alex said, thrusting with every word.

He moaned loudly just as there was a knock on the door.

"Oi! Keep it down!" A voice said. It could only have been Charlie's and this made us both laugh out loud.

This made us want to make even more noise and as we both reached a climax, we both moaned and screamed out more and more.

"CARRIE!"

"ALEX!"

"I love you!"

"I love you too!"

We both flopped down in a heap on the couch to try and catch our breath. We were both panting and sweating and still kissing each other softly.

After resting for a while, we put our clothes back on and walked downstairs hand in hand.

We we're giggling to each other as we walked past the lounge into the kitchen and we heard Michael yell, "If you don't get pregnant from that, then I don't know what Alex is doing wrong because _I _nearly got pregnant from that!"


End file.
